Hello guys, this is my first entry by mobile. Can't upload directly from web cause I'm in Jakarta right now, still on vacation so have no laptop on me now.
Gonna leave Jakarta soon. 2 days left. Too many horrible things happened recently. My head feels like just about to explode :(
Can't tell the problem in here, of course. But you know I just have no one to talk to, wanna write in twitter but don't wanna cause another problem. So, just decided to write in this personal blog.
Feeling extremely blue nowadays. Feel angry, disappointed, and all other feelings blend into one. This problem is getting more and more complicated. And serious. It's not that I'm the one who's directly being hurt. But the people who I love are. And it feels even worse to see people you love feel hurt rather than being hurt by your own selves. Don't know when this could end, how it would end, beside this days I feel worried about my education life as well. Once again, I haven't got my best. Don't know what is wrong. So worried about my future score that give direct effects into my pathway to uni. Promise myself to work much harder this term. I don't want to fail. I won't be fail. I have to do my best. That's what I thought, although one side of my heart or head still not sure and feel afraid if I can do it or not. But once again, I do not want to fail. Gonna do my best no matter what happen and fix all these broken things. Don't wanna make ppl that I love feel more disappointed and sad. Sometimes I always blaming myself for being incompetent. But I knew it won't solve the problem. The only way to solve it is to work harder and give all I can.
Feel extremely down because of seeing them feeling sad. :( don't know who to talk to anymore. Just wanna stay here to comfort them but I can't.
While having breakfast with dad few days ago. Dad talked to me and said. Education is the only asset that can't be robbed by anyone. If he only give money or other assets, it can be taken or robbed by other ppl. But for education, it can not. He said that's why you should study hard. I'm so touched by hearing those words. I promise my self to study harder from now on. Gonna remember that moment until forever so I will study harder and harder. Not to make them feel sad and disappointed anymore.
Well, beside of feeling blue, I learn a lot from this problem. I learned not to be arrogant, gotta keep my good work on this side. Gonna work hard to fix the aspect where I'm not really good at. Learn to understand my parent better, not to hurt them anymore. Learn to let go, forgive, and forget. Maybe this is God's willing for me to learn more from all this incidents.
Last, my hope for now is only to see them being happy, all these problems can be solved in His way, and hope I could study harder to fix the average score and continue my pathway to uni smoothly.
The most important thing I learned from this problem is, I cannot hold into things I have in the present. In short period, I could loose all of it at once. I'm preparing myself for the worst. Be more realistic that not only all the things I like will happen in my life. Learn to be more and more low profile, be grateful, and always tried my best. I'm still lacking in some points. I knew it so I'm trying to fix it from now on. Gonna keep my good work too. Don't wanna break a good reputation that I've earned with difficulty until this far.
Well my body and heart is tired. But I know I'm not the only one who's feeling this way. Just wanna be more and more positive. Hope this nightmare can be passed out from my life as soon as possible.
Time to take a rest. Good night world! Thanks for everyone who has given your time to read this post. Cause it's not important at all actually. Just look for a place where I could tell about my feeling freely.
Do not loose hope. Life is a tough journey ppl. Good night! Have a blessed days ahead!!
(4/4/13)
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